Guilt, what a monster

I knew he wasn't coming. 

After I had spent several months excited and nervous beyond all get up that I would finally meet my father, he sent a letter saying he wouldn't be able to make it. And even though my mom had spent every moment of her life making sure I knew how much she loved me and how I was her world, it just wasn't enough anymore. Why a little girl so desperately needs the love, affection and approval of her father I don't know. I do know what it feels like not to get it and how when you don't have it you begin to tell yourself lies to lessen the ache of your heart.

"You don't really need him." - "You are better off without him." - "It's his loss not yours"

So after graduation, I sat down and wrote a very nasty letter to him. Needless to say, I never heard from him again. Whatever bridge of communication had been in the making was demolished and a fragile little girl was left devastated in a sea of rejection. So here I am, a young 18 year old, who has no confidence in herself, unsure of her worthiness and about to take her first independent steps into the world. To say the ride is about to get bumpy is an understatement!!!!

To be continued - just as life does

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