September 27,2009
Jeremiah 24:6-7 My eyes will watch over them for their good, and I will bring them back to this land. I will build them up and not tear them down; I will plant them and not uproot them. I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the LORD. They will be my people, and I will be their God, for they will return to me with all their heart.
Sometimes my heart is bigger than my ability to do all that I wish to do. Recently though the Lord showed me it wasn't so much that I couldn't do all the things I was wanting to do. Nope, it was that which I was doing really wasn't what He had placed in my heart to do. My flesh was fooling my heart into doing what I had always been told I should do. After all, when we are young we are told we need to go to college.
I didn't make it past the first semester of stenography school. Not because I didn't pass but because school wasn't really what I was wanting to do and I wasn't willing to work myself to death to get an education. So off to the career thing: I joined the Marine Corps and was doing great, was promoted meritoriously; then I became pregnant for the second time, my first ended in a miscarriage, and I decided to not re-enlist.
That answered the big decision to stay at home. Fast forward 7 years and here I am. A homeschooling mom of three and military wife who loves to sew and scrapbook. But there it is, the problem that I have been struggling with for the last 3 years or so.
I bet you didn't even catch it, or did you? Sometimes it's easier to see the issue when you are looking from the outside in. I have created this haven and home around my role as M-O-M. Forgetting first that I was a W-I-F-E. And this imbalance has caused me to put on the back burner the most important fact: I am a D-A-U-G-H-T-E-R of the King.
This is where Jeremiah 24:6b has come into play: "I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the Lord." See I have been silent, not talking just listening to the Lord.
(Which has reflected on my blog in the form of no posts.) The silence was a bit longer than I imagined but to finally heard Him, wow it made me realize how much I had drowned out the beckoning of His voice. God revealed, to me, that what was making me so discontent was the fact that I was racing after things that wouldn't make me really happy anyway. The desire that God has placed in my heart is to be at home, where the distractions of the world will not lead me away from Him. And although I greatly enjoy being a mother it was the fact that I was not fulfilling my vows to God as a wife that opened the door for my wayward thinking. To have such truth revealed by God and not discovered "on my own" has been humbling. Yes, I have gone down the guilt trip road but for now I'm working on how to adjust my thinking to being a stay at home wife, instead of stay at home mom. Which has brought such a sense of peace into my life.
So if you are married and have kids and feel like there is "something" missing, chances are it is not a career, stylish clothes, a rockin ministry, or even a Martha Steward home. Rather it may be God gently tugging you back to Him and holding you accountable to those vows you spoke in His name. So join me now as I start a new season in my life, a new way of thinking: Hello, I am L2L a stay at home wife of an amazing husband, whom I have 3 beautiful children with and have the amazing pleasure of educating them at home! I'm so glad you stopped by and hope you enjoy your visit!!
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