I am at yet another fork in the road in my relationship with Christ. You know the ones where religion and truth split. Yep that is where I am right this very minute. And as I chose relationship over religion, this road is getting less comfy. Self reflection has become more and more humbling as I see ALL that I lack and how very far I still have to go. I am coming into a greater understanding of God's grace and a greater need of it and pray that I never stray so far away from this truth: Any goodness that shines through in our lives is not of our own doing but God's glory shining through into the world. Anything that is not true, not noble, not right, not pure, not lovely, not admirable, not praiseworthy.... these things ARE from the very depths of my heart. When we come to realize that we ARE really that evil, that hateful, that detestable in the sight of God's eyes; then and only then do we realized our dependency on Christ.
I have been thinking alot on these verses:
Romans 7
14 So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. 15 I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. 16 But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. 17 So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.
18 And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. 19 I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. 20 But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.
21 I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. 22 I love God’s law with all my heart. 23 But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. 24 Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? 25 Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord....
I think there is a deep cry from heaven for the church to grow up! To go beyond ALL earthy things and to really live out all our lives with a Kingdom Focus. I've started reading the book Radical by David Platt and God is really using this book to cut between the bone and marrow of who I am and who I think I am. In his book he talks about how self centered the American church has become and God is showing me how self centered I am, how what I do isn't really for him but for me. I'm determined to cut out all the fluff and really get to the heart of why God wants me here and somehow I think it isn't to have a nicely decorated home or to be able to fix a 9 course meal to entertain family and friends. No I think that what God is seeking from me and from every believer is how we deal with each day and each moment He gives us to minster to the lost, to our persecuted brothers and sisters and finally to take the focus off our ourselves and to be able to live our lives in complete obedience to God's plan for our lives. To go where he tells us to go, to suffer for the strength of our faith, to view every person we see as someone who may not know the salvation Christ has given us AND be willing at any cost to share Christ's message with them. I know I am very far from being able to do this and that is why I say that I have come to a fork in the road between religion and relationship. As I travel down this narrow road only one thing is certain He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
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As I read this entry, my heart cries out with you..."me too, I want to continue to grow with my God!" And I see that often times it's not what we say rather it's what we do in acordance with what we say. *smile* It's not about giving the "bible answer" when talking with others rather about living the bible out as best we can knowing we are not perfect but STILL TRYING! *big smile* To show Christ to our children, our neighbors, friends, and pen pals...SHOWING Him is not easy. Knowing it may cause pain to share what we understand to be okay in God's eyes according to scripture is well worth it in the end. I have had some painful talks with my sister, in the past three or four years, and though they are painful we have them and she knows that I don't flipently tell her things but that I consider what I say before quoting scripture. Sometimes it's been best to keep my lips closed and let her talk things through with a physical ear on this end of the phone. *smile* But my point here is that we ought to live out what we know, no matter how little we think we know and understand...move on from the formula so to speak and start on those green veggies number one foods. *big smile* Have a great day growing in God! Sincerely, Mommy of two little blessings & so much more!
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